We were at the library on the weekend and there was another little girl there with her dad. The other girl was perhaps three or four years old and was chatting away.
Little M was little and doesn’t speak or converse yet. She watched the other girl for a little while and then reached down to play with a truck. The girl was playing with and setting up a train track. She started taking it away and M looked on not quite sure what to do.
Then the other girl started hopping on a mat with numbers and this made M happy because she knew about running around. She ran and jumped a bit on the mat until the bigger girl went over to a chair which was a children’s chair. Little M went to the one next to her so she could sit down. She knew what to do with this game and she seemed happy.
The girl then took away the second chair and little M just stood there looking lost. The girl’s dad told her to put the chair back for M but to no avail.
My heart ached for her as she stood there in her dark pink shoes and denim dress that was too big for her. When I was pregnant with her I was mostly worried that I wouldn’t be able to manage her nappies. That was my biggest fear.
Now I can’t sleep at night for thinking of how little she is and how she will have so much to deal with. Not knowing what to do is normal and what’s called beginner’s mind. She doesn’t seem to mind but it terrifies me and makes my heart ache.
She’s so tiny and pure and I hate the thought that at some point she will lose this.