The lonely parts

On Friday we met up with little M’s dad for lunch at Greens’ Dining Room on Zetland Rd. He had to leave by a certain time but it didn’t seem like a problem. Mersi woke up from her nap and wanted to be held so I ate my food with one hand. Half way through she needed to be fed and was crying after I couldn’t quite get it right so I rushed off to the bathroom. We were slow and dad had to leave while I was still finishing up my main. He waved goodbye through the window.

Three week s ago my housemate and I went to the Love Food Festival after I went walking to Cabot Circus first. By the time we were headed back I was walking really slowly because I was in a bit of pain. Housemate got impatient so I told him to walk on ahead. He walked off and I shuffled forwards pushing the pram.

Some friends visited last weekend and I thought they were going to say hi for about 10 minutes and then head off to the pub. They stuck around for hours and we chatted like we used to. Kind of like we used to. I fed the baby twice, changed her twice, my housemate walked around with her and I gave her a bath while everyone kept talking. Then, in the early evening, they all went out to the pub and ate pizza at someone’s house.

On New Year’s Eve I sat at home and watched Father Ted then fell asleep until 11.35 then woke up, played online games and then watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey until nearly five in the morning.

I’m reminding myself about the single, alone parts of being a single mum. I don’t mind eating alone but I hate not having enough time for a meal, I can take three hours over a cup of coffee . An hour for lunch with a baby is impossible.

I prefer going out for a walk alone. I never liked going out to the pub and staying up late. It’s a little lonely not having a choice though.

The nice thing about being a single parent is that everything else tends to feel like a bonus. Someone changes a nappy, they hold the baby for a while and they watch her for a little ┬áso I can nap and it’s all pretty good. There haven’t been too many lonely moments but I’m trying to appreciate the bad and the good and I do miss the cinema and I need a hair cut but … you know.

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4 Responses to The lonely parts

  1. Ella says:

    I imagine that this is one of your biggest hurdles. If it helps, a friend of mine wasn’t single but suffered from loneliness because her partner worked away. I guess no one can replace the father or a partner but she found meeting up with mums in similar situations helpful – she could vent and they understood. X

    • stillawake says:

      I think friends do a pretty great job. You’re right though, I’ve heard of much worse stories from people in relationships. I am actually struggling to appreciate the ‘single’ part of my situation right now but I’m sure there will be more opportunities to do so :) x

  2. You have my full respect. Seriously. I remember one particularly bad day with the baby a few months ago and by the time her dad came home I was crying “I’m so lonely, I can’t do it”, and that was only one day. You’re doing an amazing job. x

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